“Should we hire a DJ for our wedding?” is one of the most popular questions I get as a professional wedding planner. In a world where the average U.S. wedding costs more than some people make in a year, I understand this question. In seven years, I’ve also worked many weddings that did not have DJ. Here’s what I’ve learned.
First, before you make this choice, get a clearer idea of what exactly a DJ does at a wedding.
It’s a common misconception that a DJ “only” handles the music at a wedding. While, of course, yes, this is a main component of a DJ’s job, I’ve found DJs actually provide three key services that we often don’t appreciate until we don’t have them:
DJs provide the A/V. This means things like mics (lapel and/or handheld and/or handheld with a stand) for the ceremony and any programming during the reception (such as toasts).
While venues sometimes offer A/V as well, their mics and, often less available, speakers are, in my experience, rarely as nice as the ones provided by a professional DJ. This means that they’re more likely to have technical difficulties like static and/or a smaller area that they can reliably cover.
Curious how good your venue’s tech is? Test it.DJs serve as cat herders. Understandably, people planning weddings, particularly for the first time, rarely appreciate how much direction their guests need. Yes, I get that these are, by and large, grown adults whom you think would know how to figure out when to eat, drink, and pee but, at least at a wedding, people are often so afraid of “doing something wrong” that they respond particularly well to direction.
Does this cat herder have to be a DJ? No but if you don’t hire a DJ, do find a cat herder. The person I often recommend: whomever married you, a.k.a. the officiant. This person will already have natural authority with the guests as they literally just saw them marry you. This person also, presumably, doesn’t get stage fright easily and isn’t particularly awkward on a mic.
To help them know what to say when, use this template.DJs can read the room. No matter how good your Spotify playlist, it’s never going to be able to read the energy in a room full of humans (well, at least until AI takes over the world). This might not sound important and arguably, isn’t important if you and your partner either don’t care about dancing or aren’t having dancing at your wedding (instead, perhaps, opting for ambient music “only”).
However, if you, like many people planning a wedding, want a memorable dance floor, a real human being makes all of the difference. I’ve seen this time and again with the note that the best dance floors I’ve ever seen not only had a real human, they had a live musical act like this wedding with the surprise mariachi band.
Want to strategize with a professional? Here’s what people have to say about renting my Virgo wedding planner brain for an hour.
OK, now that we have a sense of what we’re not getting if we skip a DJ, let’s discuss how you and your partner can compensate for this labor.
Typically, if we’re skipping a DJ there are three main jobs that you and your partner need to fill. These are:
You need to create the music playlists.
You need to find someone to be responsible for playing any music for the ceremony and the reception.
You need to find someone to play MC.
Here are my tips as a professional wedding planner on how to most successfully accomplish each of these.
You need to create the music playlists.
Make a different playlist for each music-playing moment (e.g. a playlist for the music for the ceremony, a playlist for the cocktail hour and/or main meal, a playlist for any first dances, and a playlist for any general dancing). Clearly label these playlists (i.e. “Ceremony,” “Cocktail Hour, “Dinner,” etc.)
Download those playlists to the device you will be using to play music on the wedding day. Ideally, this device is NOT you or your partner’s phone but a device that has no other responsibilities (think: an old phone, somebody’s iPad, a computer). This also needs to be a device that you’re OK leaving unattended for long periods of time, particularly if you’re getting married in a public area like a park where there’s a higher chance that personal goods could walk away.
Put that device on airplane mode. Do your playlists still play? This is important because not all wedding venues have reliable wi-fi.
Download any apps you might need to interface with a venue’s music-playing system such as the Sonos app, the Spotify app, etc. Bonus points if you test this system at the rehearsal, if you’re having the rehearsal at the venue and/or have the A/V available at the rehearsal that you’re planning to use during the wedding.
You need to find someone to be responsible for playing any music for the ceremony and the reception.
Brief whomever you appoint as the keeper of the playlist on which song is which. Otherwise they won’t know which of those three songs under “Ceremony Playlist” is for which part of the ceremony.
Also brief this person on my tried-and-true music technique: Never just stop a song by hitting pause. Instead, lower the volume slowly and then hit stop before transitioning to the next song. This fade technique avoids abrupt halts in musical transitions, particularly during high-attention moments like the ceremony processional.
Who should you appoint as the keeper of the playlist?
I recently learned that a lot of my wedding planner colleagues include a “I’m not your DJ” clause in their contracts. They won’t handle anything DIY music.
This surprised me because while yes, playing DJ is not my favorite thing because it’s medium stressful, it’s also a fairly common request from couples, particularly in situations like this one where we don't want a dance party (not as weird or uncommon as you may have been led to believe).
So, if you have a coordinator, be sure to ask them if this is a task that falls within their scale of service. Please respect their boundaries. This list of interview questions specific to hiring a coordinator or planner might help.
If they’re not available for this task or you don’t have a coordinator, pick a guest who is not in the wedding party or, ideally, not a wedding VIP at all. Note that by giving this person responsibilities, you are immediately making them not a wedding guest so be respectful of this relationship. I share my best advice for hiring a “friendor” in this article.
The device keeper’s job is typically most crucial during the ceremony and immediately after the ceremony as you transition to post-ceremony activities like a cocktail hour or main meal. However, it’s useful to also have this person “stay on the clock” through any reception programming such as toasts and first dances.
After that, I often see the entire group of guests play DJ for an open dance floor (though if that makes your stomach drop, ask the keeper to remain guardian of the music-playing device; it’ll make for a much smoother dance floor).
You need to find someone to play MC.
I shared my advice on this one — designate someone who already has natural authority with your guests and use this template — but here’s one thing I’ll add: This person is also a guest, which means chances are high that they will lose track of time because they are having such a good time at the wedding.
When I’m coordinating a wedding without a DJ, part of my job is to gently remind this person of their tasks. I often even prompt them with what to say, feeding them lines as I hand them the mic. However, if you don’t have a coordinator or your coordinator’s work does not include anything music-related, this person will be responsible for their own time-keeping.
If I was them, I’d set a series of reminders or alarms on my phone and keep my phone on me throughout the wedding. I recommend you ask this person to do the same (or whatever time management system works best for them) if you want them to stay on track.
For interview questions to ask DJs as well as other vendors, go here.
For A/V and/or music referrals specific to where I work, go here.
For a gallery of free wedding planning resources, go here