I hesitated to write this story because I worried about downplaying how people might feel about their weddings during the COVID-19 pandemic.
I didn’t want to paint a big yellow smiley face on the smoking ruins of anyone’s rescheduled or canceled or heavily edited wedding and be like, “There’s always a silver lining!”
I mean, yes, there is and we need silver linings to stay motivated and sane but also, maybe you kinda wanted to hug someone at your wedding?
In the face of this kind of reality, how then, do I, a wedding planner, authentically offer advice to you, a person who’s either mourning changes to this significant milestone and/or helping a friend do the same?
I tell you the truth.
This is, to put it mildly, a bummer
I’ve already written about why it’s OK to feel sad about your wedding so I’ll spare you that sermon. Instead, I’ll just remind you: Don’t belittle your own feelings.
Of course, have empathy to what other humans are going through but it’s also perfectly fine (some would argue 100 percent necessary!) to recognize how you’re feeling about something that really mattered to you.
You’re not alone
This seems to be a a thing people say to each other to cheer other people up so I’m saying it here. It’s also the motto of my favorite radio DJ so I tend to believe it: You’re not alone.
Of the 13 weddings I had on the books at the end of February 2020, all but one has either canceled or rescheduled and the one that is happening this year is following a very detailed, very necessary COVID safety policy.
This is one anecdotal piece of evidence from one wedding planner in one corner of the universe but it speaks to a much bigger trend: Nothing is business as usual. This comforts me when it doesn’t terrify me.
Celebrating takes many forms
If you are the person who’s trying to find a way to recognize the original date of your wedding, you are probably doing one of two things: 1) still getting married on that day but in a much smaller celebration that, I hope, abides by county and state safety regulations and/or common sense or 2) nothing.
This latter group is the one I want to talk to in this article because what exactly do you do with a day that was supposed to be the day you got married? A couple not-gross wedding publications have talked about this so, in the spirit of not reinventing the wheel, consider this piece from Catalyst Wed Co. and this one from A Practical Wedding. I also brainstorm my own ideas in the next section.
As you review these suggestions, remember this very important part: No matter how many ways you do — or don’t — recognize your original wedding day, the important thing is to check in with yourself and your partner.
If dressing up and ordering cake feels a shade too morbid for your personal style, don’t do it. Maybe dinner in from some random restaurant you love is more your thing, or perhaps you prefer to just get off the gram for the day and stop seeing everyone else’s happy wedding photos from the beforetimes.
Celebrating takes many forms.
Steal any of these ideas and make them your own
Try these on for size when brainstorming ways to recognize your wedding or a friend’s:
Write your partner a love letter and actually mail it to them. Bonus points if you can get it to arrive on the particular day you had in mind.
Schedule a call with the person or people you were most looking forward to seeing at your wedding. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Can also be multiple calls.
Buy a piñata. I’m doing this for a milestone birthday I’m having mid-pandemic because a piñata is an acceptable thing to hit. (Fun fact: The New York freakin’ Times has a guide for how to make your own COVID virus-shaped piñata.)
Send your vendors a photo, if you do something that you feel like sharing. I suggest this because a few of my 2020 couples have sent me a photo on a day that we’re collectively missing and it fills my cup up so much during a year when my cup has hit record lows. That said, the priority remains you and your partner so only do this if it also brings you two energy.
Send your friend(s) who were going to get married, something from this great list curated by Offbeat Bride. Or just text them. Or call them. Or email them. Literally anyway to acknowledge that you’re thinking of them.
If you’re struggling with what exactly to say, consider this: “Hey. I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you today [insert the emoji of your choice].” If you feel so bold, perhaps add a line or two about what exactly you admire about your friend’s relationship and/or why they’re worth celebrating.
“This still feels… sad”
Yeah, I get that. By this point in the pandemic, you’ve heard all the platitudes so instead, here’s a pop quiz: Do you still want to marry your partner?
It’s a trick question because whatever the answer, you’re identifying what brings joy into your life. Of course, I’m hoping the person you originally intended to marry brings you joy but if that’s no longer true… well, we’ve all learned a lot during quarantine.
And that, in so many ways, is why this moment can be special if we allow it to be special. COVID has forced couples to have the kinds of conversations that I know from my experience as a wedding planner lead to the most meaningful weddings and, more importantly, the strongest marriages.
Sure, we would have all preferred to learn these lessons without a global pandemic but here we are. And guess what? You’re doing a good job.