And part of the reason why is because there are just so. many. questions.
So let’s boil it down to the four most important ones because guess what? You totally can.
Question #1: What's the worst thing that could happen?
Call me a Debbie Downer but in any given situation, I like to ask “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” I like this question because it quickly and clearly helps me identify the exact stakes of what I’m doing.
In the case of your wedding, the very worst thing that can happen is that you don’t actually get married. (Unless, of course, you wake up on your wedding day and realize that your fiancé(e) will make you miserable, in which case, run.)
That highly unlikely outcome aside, tell me: What’s the very-worst-makes-you-cringe-to-even-think-about-it thing that can happen on your wedding day? Aunt Myrtle gives a drunk toast? You spill red wine all over your dress? You forget your bouquet?
Hold this question in your mind. Write it down, if you want. My guess is seeing that outcome in black and white will give you a sense of freedom. This isn’t life and death. Nobody’s open on the table. You’re planning a wedding and yes, sh*t will happen but it’s sh*t you can solve for.
Question #2: What’s giving you the most stress/anxiety/fear/frustration about your wedding right now, in this moment?
It doesn’t matter how much money you’re spending or how many guests you’re inviting, everyone has an answer to this question. Figuring out yours will help you identify where you need to do next.
Maybe your question is even bigger. One I get a lot: How do I make sure my relatives don’t fight?
The question doesn’t matter because believe me: Whatever your stress, anxiety, fear, or frustration, the answer is out there. All you have to do is ask.
Question #3: What’s the one part of your wedding day that you’re most looking forward to?
It’s not all about logistics! Your wedding is a party — an emotionally intense, often expensive, sometimes frustrating party but a party all the same. What part can you simply not wait to do? Bonus points if you ask your fiancé(e). It’s fun to compare answers.
Question #4: How do you want to feel on your wedding day?
This is my favorite question on this list. It makes my coordinator heart sing because it gets to all of the good stuff that makes a wedding a wedding.
Talking about how you want to feel allows you to focus on why you’re even doing this thing at all because when it’s all said and done, you’re not going to remember how the centerpieces turned out. You are going to remember how much your heart swelled when you kissed your new spouse for the very first time.
And that’s it.
Those are the big four questions of wedding planning. If you and your fiancé(e) have answers to these four, you’re set. Everything else — from whom you’re inviting to what you’re spending — will fall into place.
I’m not saying it’ll be easy. It won’t be, which is why I do what I do. I am saying it will be easier than if you don’t have this conversation at all. And if you’d like a second opinion from a wedding planning professional, give me a call.
Most importantly, remember this: You’re doing a good job.